That urge to apologize rises in him again, but what actually comes out of Jason's mouth is, "I didn't want to go."
Whether that means he didn't want to die, or he didn't want to leave what comes after death, Jason isn't sure. Perhaps it's not the question of one or other, but both. And Death would probably know that anyway, so there's no real reason for him to say it... and yet.
"I know." She's cold, but somehow it feels warm when her finger brushes along the skin with a soft thumb down Jason's strong jaw. Few do want to die even when they think that they do. As the lights go dim and the heart slows there's always that last breath of-- she looked back to Albtraum for a moment-- fear. In many, many cases. But it subsides and a peacefulness takes over.
"I did not want to let you go," the hand dropped-- she, too, was talking about perhaps both or more. And she moves to face them both. "But this universe is full of many oddities, such as this. You always did grow attached to those under your keep, dear Sandmann. I see the nightmares have changed this none."
Some odd tension in Jason releases when Death says she didn't want to let him go. As he'd said to Albtraum before, he's carried around the thought that Death didn't want him, and that's why he woke up in his coffin. But it's rather impossible to hold on to that painful idea when Death herself denies it.
That name, Sandmann, being used to address Albtraum makes Jason blink. He recalls that Albtraum made a distinction between itself and the others... but there wasn't always such a distinction? How very interesting.
"Albtraum's nightmares aren't so bad," Jason says quietly. "They don't hurt."
Death had wanted him. Especially after the way that Jason died. That young boy deserved a peace unavailable for them in the world of the living.
"I'm not a mare," the deep voice rolls out defensively. Death's attention rolls over to him with a smile. A cock of her heard. Some knowing look. Then back to Jason.
"So, you have questions?" Because she knows full well Albtraum wouldn't try to reach her for himself. Not anymore.
"I didn't mean that you were..." Jason mutters under his breath. He might playfully insult his friends (or would, if they were still around), but he doesn't like actually giving offense.
"Always," Jason answers, with a shade of the cheeky 'Robin smile' on his face for just a moment before it fades. Get serious, Todd. Don't forget that you're only in this place because your brain got rattled around in your skull again. Jason takes a breath, and asks, "Do you know of Aine? She's the Faerie Goddess of Summer and She cursed me into... into the wrong body. I want to know what can be done to break the curse... or how I can get to Her to ask about it."
It ached. It always ached. It did this to itself. It liked the pain, the grief, it had always been this way. Even then, it had been so lonely for so long as the only one. The children balmed that emptiness. It knew, though, that they would grow up. Stop believing in it. Move on, because all things move on except Albtraum. It holds things tight; grips them until they can't breathe. The well of things that lay beneath its calm but somber armor. If it was to scream or cry it'd never stop. Drown the entire world it loved so much. Hook its claws into her until she felt what it felt; until she knew pain like it knew pain. And wait, and wait for her to end it. Hope.
It's breath was almost a shutter as it watched them speak, and for the time it chose to turn a heel and leave them be.
Death on the other hand saw Albtraum depart and spent a bare few moments in silence before turning her attention back to Jason. "Aine," she repeated, "Now there's a name I've not heard in some time. Yes, she's not particularly fond of men I have to say."
"I, uh... gathered that," Jason says quietly. "I punched Harley Quinn to stop her museum heist, and Aine took exception. Harley invoked the goddess beforehand, you see... so Aine was paying attention to what happened to her."
Jason keeps his eyes on where Albtraum moved away into the fog, only occasionally glancing over at Death. He doesn't want to lose his guide, but also there's something about this whole interaction that is making him uneasy.
And suddenly flinging himself at Death's feet and sobbing like a terrified child -- which feels far more likely when he makes eye contact with her -- would be counterproductive.
She wouldn't end it but she wouldn't tell anyone why. Albtraum had its faults and she had hers, but her reasoning was less malicious than some might think. Wasn't malicious at all, in fact. Just selfish. As for Jason-- well, she's used to tears. It's common, and she wouldn't belittle him any for it.
"It's been so long, I have to say, that I've heard her name. Whether she is as cooperative as she used to be... well, I cannot say. I can tell you how to find her but I cannot guarantee she'll come, or listen."
"I don't need any guarantees," Jason says, "I'll appreciate any lead you can give me."
"Please, I've been so worried!" "I could get in trouble... we're only suppose to allow family in to visit." "She's my daughter's friend. She's staying with us and she doesn't have any family in the state."
Jason startles at the sound of those voices -- one unfamiliar, the others belonging to Cass and Bruce -- and looks around as if expecting to see them in the dreamscape.
She nods, just about to speak when those voices ring out. Their time was limited and unless someone was dying near him sometime soon, they wouldn't be able to meet again in the waking world. Quickly, she grabs his hand. Something burns deep into the palm. It wasn't exactly clear, but it was a map, a set of instructions so to speak. If Jason could figure that out, he could figure out how to at least try to come in contact with Aine.
And that was that. It was only a few moments later when Jacinda awoke. So... she supposes... she would go find their mutual contact.
Jacinda wakes slowly, for once, blinks up at the pale blue tiles of the hospital ceiling and then looks over to the left and to the right. Zir bed is the only one in the room, and to the left Cassandra is leaning on the doorframe, gazing out into the hallway. She looks enough like a regular college student, waiting for bad news, that it's probably what most people see. But her eyes scan over everyone who passes the hospital room door, wary and alert.
To the right, Bruce sits in the single chair at Jacinda's bedside. He's holding on to zir right hand, worry etched in every line of his face. Some resentful part of Jacinda labels it as just an act -- Brucie will play the concerned socialite for anyone, right? -- but that gets cut off by an unbidden, unwanted thought.
'You might have woken up to this if he'd made it on time.'
That's a knife in the gut, and even at zir most hateful and bitter, Jacinda will never, ever say that aloud. Instead, zie turns zir hand over and grips Bruce's hand in return.
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Whether that means he didn't want to die, or he didn't want to leave what comes after death, Jason isn't sure. Perhaps it's not the question of one or other, but both. And Death would probably know that anyway, so there's no real reason for him to say it... and yet.
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"I did not want to let you go," the hand dropped-- she, too, was talking about perhaps both or more. And she moves to face them both. "But this universe is full of many oddities, such as this. You always did grow attached to those under your keep, dear Sandmann. I see the nightmares have changed this none."
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That name, Sandmann, being used to address Albtraum makes Jason blink. He recalls that Albtraum made a distinction between itself and the others... but there wasn't always such a distinction? How very interesting.
"Albtraum's nightmares aren't so bad," Jason says quietly. "They don't hurt."
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"I'm not a mare," the deep voice rolls out defensively. Death's attention rolls over to him with a smile. A cock of her heard. Some knowing look. Then back to Jason.
"So, you have questions?" Because she knows full well Albtraum wouldn't try to reach her for himself. Not anymore.
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"Always," Jason answers, with a shade of the cheeky 'Robin smile' on his face for just a moment before it fades. Get serious, Todd. Don't forget that you're only in this place because your brain got rattled around in your skull again. Jason takes a breath, and asks, "Do you know of Aine? She's the Faerie Goddess of Summer and She cursed me into... into the wrong body. I want to know what can be done to break the curse... or how I can get to Her to ask about it."
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It's breath was almost a shutter as it watched them speak, and for the time it chose to turn a heel and leave them be.
Death on the other hand saw Albtraum depart and spent a bare few moments in silence before turning her attention back to Jason. "Aine," she repeated, "Now there's a name I've not heard in some time. Yes, she's not particularly fond of men I have to say."
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Jason keeps his eyes on where Albtraum moved away into the fog, only occasionally glancing over at Death. He doesn't want to lose his guide, but also there's something about this whole interaction that is making him uneasy.
And suddenly flinging himself at Death's feet and sobbing like a terrified child -- which feels far more likely when he makes eye contact with her -- would be counterproductive.
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"It's been so long, I have to say, that I've heard her name. Whether she is as cooperative as she used to be... well, I cannot say. I can tell you how to find her but I cannot guarantee she'll come, or listen."
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"Please, I've been so worried!"
"I could get in trouble... we're only suppose to allow family in to visit."
"She's my daughter's friend. She's staying with us and she doesn't have any family in the state."
Jason startles at the sound of those voices -- one unfamiliar, the others belonging to Cass and Bruce -- and looks around as if expecting to see them in the dreamscape.
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And that was that. It was only a few moments later when Jacinda awoke. So... she supposes... she would go find their mutual contact.
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To the right, Bruce sits in the single chair at Jacinda's bedside. He's holding on to zir right hand, worry etched in every line of his face. Some resentful part of Jacinda labels it as just an act -- Brucie will play the concerned socialite for anyone, right? -- but that gets cut off by an unbidden, unwanted thought.
'You might have woken up to this if he'd made it on time.'
That's a knife in the gut, and even at zir most hateful and bitter, Jacinda will never, ever say that aloud. Instead, zie turns zir hand over and grips Bruce's hand in return.
[ Wrap up here at Jacinda's journal. ]